A cunning law of nature dictates that if a smoke detector is to go off due to a cobweb or speck of dust, it will occur between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. The one outside my bedroom door erupted at exactly 1.08. Luckily I had earplugs within reach (which means, I guess, that I should thank the nitwit kid next door who decided to have a raucous party on Saturday night), so I was able to get at the smoke detector with a Swiffer duster and a can of compressed air without my eardrums actually bursting. Of course, after it's all over your nerves are so jangled there's not a chance in hell of ever getting back to sleep, no matter how tired you are.

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